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I Have Been Here Before

I have been here before. Praying for a baby. Trying to get pregnant. With each cycle ending in a negative pregnancy test. This is a soul crushing experience that is very slow and very painful. Like I said, I have been here before. Not only am I experiencing more, but I am also remembering what I have gone through. Infertility takes its toll on the body and mind. It is a pit of despair that can be extremely difficult to climb out of. When I went through it before, my soul felt very similiar to Joseph Smith's anguish in Liberty Jail. "O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?" Doctrine and Covenants 121:1 It felt like God was ignoring me and left me alone to suffer. It was a dark and depressing time. Now, I feel those feelings coming back. I know what it feels like to be in this pit. Since I have been here before, I also know how I got out of that pit last time. Having a baby helped, but it wasn't what got me out of the pit. Lament...
Recent posts

Strengthening Thy Stakes

 This week the study skill I used in the assigned reading was symbolism. Which ended up being a great skill for these verses: Isaiah 54: 2-4 which says,  "Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations; spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes; For thou shalt break forth on the right hand and on the left; and thy see shall inherit the Gentiles, and make the desolate cities to be inhabited. Fear not, for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more." What Tyler got from this was very different than what I learned. That is because we were being taught two different things, that is the beauty of symbolism. Two people can be reading the same thing and learn two totally different things.  For me, I learned that it is important to strengthen and open our homes. So, a...

His Hail And Mighty Storm

 Have you ever experienced when things fall into place or line up just right? Are those moments when you feel like God is confirming that you are on the right track? I feel like that is a common mindset to have. "When things fall into place that is God's way of saying I'm doing the right thing." I have experienced this myself. I feel like it is comforting and reassuring. I will find myself looking for it, things falling into place.  Does this mean when things don't work out smoothly that we are on the wrong path? Or when life is too hard and stressful that is a sign that we are doing the wrong things? I used to think this way, but I don't think so anymore. Job 1:1,12 "There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and on that feared God, eschewed evil...And the Lord said unto Satan, behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of th...

Handful of Meal, A Little Oil

 "So he arose and went to Zarephath. And when he came to the gate of the city, behold, the widow woman was there gathering of sticks: and he called to her, and said Fetch me, I pray thee, a little water in a vessel, that I may drink. And as she was going to fetch it, he called to her, and said, Bring me, I pray thee, a morsel of bread in thine hand. And she said, As the Lord thy God liveth, I have not a cake, but an handful of meal in a barrel, and a little oil in a cruse: and, behold, I am gathering two sticks, that I may go in and dress it for me and my son, that we may eat it, and die. And Elijah said unto her, Fear not; go and do as thou hast said: but make me thereof a little cake first, and bring it unto me, and after make for thee and for thy son.  For thus saith the Lord God of Israel, The barrel of meal shall not waste, neither shall the cruse of oil fail, until the day that the Lord sendeth rain upon the earth. And she went and did according to the saying of Elijah: ...

Choose Ye This Day

 Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, "You might spend years acquiring a skill or developing a talent. You might work so hard that it becomes second nature to you. But if you think that means you can stop practicing and studying; you'll gradually lose the knowledge and abilities you once acquired at great cost. This applies to skills like learning a language, playing a musical instrument, and flying an airliner. It also applies to becoming a disciple of Christ. Simply put, discipleship takes self-discipline." Joshua and Moses had to remind this principle to the Israelites over and over again - you get to choose if you are going to serve the Lord. The Israelites went through the pattern of choosing the Lord and then not choosing the Lord, choosing the Lord and again not choosing the Lord, etc. I would argue mankind still goes through this pattern today. However, the times where mankind chooses the Lord are becoming further in between and are of a shorter duration. I feel like th...

Sacrifice

Numbers 7, the tabernacle is being dedicated. Each leader from the 12 tribes brings an offering. If I read the chapter correctly each tribe brings the same offering, or close to the same offering. That is what the entire chapter is, talking about the offering that each tribe brought - the exact same offering. By the 3rd offering, I was starting to get annoyed. Sorry. But by the 7th offering I was wondering why this was significant. Each tribe brought offerings for the different sacrifices performed in the tabernacle.  Why were each of these sacrifices so important that each tribe brought offerings for each one? After this weeks reading, particularly this chapter, my mind has been on sacrifice and the importance of the sacrifices performed in the tabernacle. I do feel like my understanding is expanding, but it isn't fully cooked. So, I will share the thoughts and connections that I found this week.  First, I noticed all the different kinds of sacrifices and offerings made in th...

God Sent Me

 Genesis 45:7 says, "Ang God sent me before you to preserve you a posterity in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance."  This was Joseph's response to his brothers when he disclosed his identity to them. His brothers had sold him into slavery because he was favored by their father and the Lord. His brothers wanted to kill him at first, and then decided to sell him into slavery. They were purposefully ruining his life. They wanted to hurt him. From my mortal eyes, Joseph had every right to be angry. He was even in a position to make sure they didn't receive any help or food. He could have been been revengeful to them. Instead, he chose to show mercy and he chose to see their actions as what was mean to be. Now, my question is: was he born with that kind of forgiving disposition or did he have to develop it? I don't know if we can ever truly know the answer to that question from what we know in the book of Genesis. However, we know ourselves and wh...