Making Wholes From Parts

This week I learned about marriage rituals. “Rituals are social interactions that are repeated, coordinated, and significant.” They are the interactions between a couple that helps strengthen the marriage, help it thrive, and keep the couple connected.   “Rituals are not efficient; they are about connection."   Our lives can become filled with so many good things, work, school, kids, family, etc. If we aren't intentional with our marriage rituals then they will fall in between the cracks and our marriage can suffer for it. An example of a ritual is when a husband comes home from work, how does he and his wife greet each other? Do they wait for the other to initiate a greeting? Or do they intentionally find each other and ask about each other's day? A dog will react with great enthusiasm when its owner comes home. We could follow that same example. Couples need to find rituals that they repeat, are planned, and are meaningful to each other.   A place to start is to c...

 This week I studied setting boundaries and money management skills. These skills are very important skills to have in a marriage.  I have a fear-based relationship with money because I don't understand how to manage it. Recently, I have been feeling a pull to understand money management. Tyler and I have been meeting with a financial advisor and it has really opened our eyes to all of the opportunities we have to take control of our finances. It has been a very encouraging experience. I feel less scared with more knowledge and I feel like I have more control. Tyler and I also talked about boundaries in our marriage, specifically setting an appropriate boundary between our marriage and parenthood. Some of the points that were brought up in class, we felt like we had set an appropriate boundary. There was one point that we both felt like we could make and that was planning a specific time for our marriage.  You can call us crazy, but Tyler and I are not huge fans of the tr...

Sadly, marriage is not always "peaches and cream". There are disagreements and arguments. There will be times when spouses do not agree. I used to think that if Tyler and I disagreed, then something was wrong with us. Which is not true.  I don't think that now. Tyler and I can absolutely disagree. But when we disagree on an important topic, parenting for example, we try hard to come to a solution we agree on. We don't agree on everything. That is a lot of pressure for a couple to feel like they have to agree on everything. What is important though is being able to disagree without getting angry. It's important to learn to talk about sensitive topics without verbally throwing insults at each other. When we feel our tempers starting to rise, we try hard to take some time to cool down and discuss when we are calm. Thankfully, Tyler and I are seeing progress in our efforts and are encouraged to keep practicing. But... We are having a hard time teaching our boys to dis...

An assignment in my Marriage Skills class this week was for me to make a meme based on what I learned in class this week. You can judge me about my meme-making skills, cause I don't have any. Let me explain its meaning. (The author's statements are generalized and may not fit every relationship, and my solution may not work for every marriage.) This week we studied communication in a marriage, specifically when arguments/disagreements arise. 7 signs predict if a couple is heading for divorce. One of the signs is the body language of both spouses during a disagreement. One major physical response is stonewalling. Stonewalling is when a spouse is under a lot of physical distress (heart pounding, elevated blood pressure, sweating, etc.) and their body's responses begin to shut down. It is a "fight or flight" response. This isn't the only negative physical response, and if this happens in your marriage, it doesn't mean that your marriage is heading for divorce...