Faith Over Fear

 

On Sunday, during sacrament meeting (our Sunday worship service) a sister shared a talk (sorry I don’t remember her name). In her talk she shared a story she read on Instagram. The story was about a man talking about his welcome mat. His welcome mat said “Yay! We are glad you are here” (or something like that). Then he talked about how his visitors will just stand at the door because their doorbell is broken and even when it’s not his kids just don’t answer the door. So, even though his family is genuinely happy when people come to visit, they will often stand at the door waiting to be let in. He compared this to our prayers to Heavenly Father, who probably has the same doormat. He is genuinely happy when we come, but sometimes it feels like we are left knocking at His door. Waiting until He lets us in. It can be frustrating, because He is the one who invited us to come in the first place.

I have felt this many times in prayer, especially when I am asking for help. I feel like I am left waiting at His front door, wanting to go in, but no one is opening the door. So, what am I supposed to do? Wait on the porch? Leave? Start doing yard work? I don’t know. I often don’t know what I’m supposed to do while I’m waiting.

But. Have you ever just stood in front of the door and didn’t knock? Because you know that if you knock, He will open, let you in, and by letting you in means He wants you to do something. Something you are scared of doing. Something you don’t want to do. You’ll be put in a situation where you have to let go of ALL control and face the unknown. You’ll be asked to move forward putting faith over your fear. You know this is what He will ask of you. So, you stand on His porch, not knocking. Your hesitancy comes from the feeling that your fear is so big and your faith isn’t big enough to cover it. You feel like your faith doesn’t have enough weight to keep your fear down long enough to get over it.

How long have I stood on His porch in fear?

My question is how do you strengthen your faith? How do you give it weight so it can keep your fear down? The answers that came to your mind, are they same as mine? Go to church, pray, read scriptures, go to the temple, serve others, etc. Last semester, my institute teacher said something that will stick with me for my whole life, “the primary answers work, but on an adult depth.” To me this means, that the answers are the same when I’m an adult and they are simple; but I have to give them more effort, be more consistent, and have more patience.

I know what will happen when I knock on His door. I know what He is going to tell me. And I know that in the end it will benefit and bless me in ways I can’t fathom right now. I know it will be for my good. I just have to build up my faith and courage, so I can knock on His door and trust that whatever He asks of me will be for my good. I am so thankful He doesn’t set a time limit for learning and growth, and He doesn’t set a limit on how many times I can try again, and again, and again. He is ok with me waiting on the porch.

I am curious. Who else is waiting on His porch with me?

The concept of fear holding me back came up again while I was reading a book for a report in my class. I’ve been reading “Launching Leaders An Empowering Journey for a New Generation” written by Steven A. Hitz. This book is about helping people become the person they want to be in the future. While I was reading this week this quote struck me, “Ask yourself how you would describe the person you are right now. Now think about the ideal version of yourself, the person you’d most like to be in the future. How do these two people differ?” I understand that fear isn’t the only thing that is keep us from becoming the person we want to be. Sometimes we are lacking in experience, knowledge, money, etc. Those are things that can be taken care of with life as we grow older and live. However, fear can keep us from becoming the person we want to be; it can keep us from becoming the person Heavenly Father needs us to be. Overcoming fear, building our faith to overcome our fear, can be a hard thing. For me, it is a struggle I’ve had all my life and will most likely continue to have in the future.

Hitz continues to stay, “If you’re totally honest with yourself there will always be a gap between where you’re at right now and where you hope to be in the future. This isn’t something you should feel bad about or that you should stress out about. In fact, that’s actually the way it’s supposed to be. Figuring out how to bridge that gap is a huge part of what life is all about.” See! Being scared, having fear isn’t a bad thing. It only becomes bad when we let it consume us so much that we stop progressing; or when we let fear stop us from knocking on Heavenly Father’s door. Fear, or the process of overcoming fear, helps us to strengthen our faith. It helps us to become better. More compassionate. More observant of other people and their trials. More understanding and patient when other people are scared. For me, I have learned that fear is hard, but it is even harder when you feel alone. I try to be more patient when other people are scared and when I’m scared. I’m learning how to ask for help or ask for company when I’m scared and lonely.

So, it seems to me faith and fear go hand in hand. Like righteousness and evil, good and bad, day and night, love and hate, etc. As Hitz said, “There will always be a gap…this isn’t something you should feel bad about…” It’s ok to be afraid. It’s ok to have fear. It’s ok to be hesitant to knock on the Heavenly Father’s door. It’s ok to be nervous when He asks you to do something scary, but that will also be beneficial. Letting fear reign is like choosing to stop your own progression. Never stop progressing. I shouldn’t stop progressing. Honestly, I’m still nervous to knock; but I want to. (Alma 32:27)

A question from President Thomas S. Monson comes to my mind, “Shall I falter or shall I finish?” This is a personal question for each person. For me, I have had to ask myself this question more than once on several different occasions in life. I always come down to the same answer – I want to finish. I do. I really do want to finish in faith. I want to be able to look back on my life and say, “I had fear, but I didn’t let it hold me back.” I want to be known as a woman of faith. I also want it to be known who I had faith in, my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.